Wednesday 28 September 2016

Summary & Reader Response Draft 2

In the article, "This Detriot House Is Being Turned Into A Living Model Of Cost-Saving Sustainable Design", Peters (2016) acquainted us with a project named "Motown Movement" which was an initiative by 3 architecture students aiming to achieve sustainability through affordable means. Through the house the 3 students bought in Detroit, they planned to use it as an example to the community of Detroit on how to transform broken-down houses into sustainable buildings. In their house, the lower level will be a “training centre” while the upper level houses a family in need. In-house systems included a roof veiled with solar panels, a “greywater system” and a “septic tank” as sources of renewable energy. Lukkes, one of the 3 students, hoped that through collaboration with their university, their project can become universal and reach out to other countries. However, the article fails to mention the emotional aspects of the project which I feel is key to the project being a success in Detroit before it can become universal.

Firstly, the article failed to bring to our attention the thoughts and feelings of the community in Detroit. This lack of emotional aspect in their project could affect the success of their project even before the students can contemplate about making it universal. The article never mentioned whether the three students immersed themselves in the culture of Detroit to truly understand what the community needed. All the article mentioned was how they visited Detroit and found many improvements required by the community of Detroit to improve sustainability. The three students only focused on technicalities such as what the community in Detroit could improve on. Research studies showed that understanding the culture of the community is so important as it affects them in so many ways. It is stated that culture is a strong part of people's lives. It influences their views, their appraisal, their amusement, their hopes, their loyalties, and their feelings. (Axner, 2016). It is also mentioned that very slight forces, sometimes individuals, can destroy very big ideas and projects (Cohn, 2015). As such, it is very important for the students to focus on the emotional aspects of their project, "Motown Movement" in order for it to be a success in Detroit even before they start thinking about making it universal.

Furthermore,  the article only focused on the technical aspects of their project such as turning the house into a "training centre", where a "greywater system" and "septic tank" were to be installed. The article only vaguely mentioned about the emotional aspects of the project by saying that " the people were much more positive." The three students should have paid more attention to the feelings of the community and let them be the centre of their project. Peters, 2016 was making assumptions such as, ""We thought we should create a sustainable example."" The students should have gone around the city of Detroit and surveyed the residence to get a clear idea of what they desired. A similar article by Olin College stated that they have a program where the over their semesters, their students worked closely with senior citizens to identify their needs and helped to develop concrete solutions to address these needs. "One project resulted in a team building a device to help elderly people get out of a car more easily" (Olin College of Engineering,2016). We can clearly see that by understanding the needs of others through effective communication, projects can be very well received, which the article failed to address. As such, the article should have discussed the views of the Detroit community and what their real needs are instead of their own assumptions.

In conclusion, though the article was very detailed in the technical aspects of the project “Motown Movement”, more focus should have been on the emotional aspects of it. It is important to note that the focus of the project is the community of Detroit as they are the key to its success. As such the article should have catered more towards them. I believe the emotional aspect is key to the success of the project as it helps the community of Detroit to embrace "Motown Movement" and be open to changes and improvements. Through this relationship which they can forge with the community of Detroit, the students can ensure "Motown Movement" becomes a success which would open the door to it becoming universal.

References:

Axner, M. (2016). Understanding Culture and Diversity in Building Communities. Retrieved from http://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/culture/cultural-competence/culture-and-diversity/main

Cohn.M.(2015).The Importance of Community Relations. Retrieved from http://www.evancarmichael.com/library/martin-cohn/The-Importance-of-Community-Relations.html

Peters, A. (2016, July 7). This Detroit House Is Being Turned Into A Living Model Of Cost-Saving Sustainable Design. World Changing Ideas. Retrieved from https://www.fastcoexist.com/3061563/world-changing-ideas/this-detroit-house-is-being-turned-into-a-living-model-of-cost-saving-s

Projects That Help Others. (2016). Retrieved from http://www.olin.edu/projects-research/help-others/

5 comments:

  1. Hi frankie, your summary for the article was very concise and provided enough information to know what the article is about. The transition from your summary to the reader response was clear and flowed smoothly. I could understand why you had that response based on the supporting evidence that you provided. The evidence were on point and supported your thesis well. Overall, I think it was a job well done!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Adam,

      Thank You for taking the time to read my summary and reader response. Your feedback will definitely help me in my English Journey. Cheers!

      Regards,
      Frankie

      Delete
  2. Thanks, Frankie, for your hard work. We'll discuss this essay in class. Here are some items to consider:
    1) In the article, "This Detroit House Is Being Turned Into A Living Model Of Cost-Saving Sustainable Design", Peters (2016) acquainted us with a project named "Motown Movement" which was an initiative by 3 architecture students aiming to achieve sustainability through affordable means. >>>

    1a) 3 architecture students >>> (1-10 should be written out)
    1b) a project named "Motown Movement" which was >>> (punctuation)
    1c) aiming to achieve sustainability through affordable means. >>> (general
    description)

    2) Through the house the 3 students bought in Detroit, they planned to use it as an example to the community of Detroit on how to transform broken-down houses into sustainable buildings. >>>
    2a) according to whom?
    2b) (phrasing) According to Peters, the three students plan to use the house that they bought as an example for the community of Detroit on how to transform broken-down houses into sustainable buildings.

    3) Lukkes, one of the 3 students, hoped that through collaboration with their university, their project can become universal and reach out to other countries. >>> (reported speech?)


    4) However, the article fails to mention the emotional aspects of the project which I feel is key to the project being a success in Detroit before it can become universal. >>> (phrasing) "the emotional aspects" means?

    5) This lack of emotional aspect in their project could affect the success of their project even before the students can contemplate about making it universal.
    >>>
    Are you critiquing the project Peters' reporting? Your thesis is about the article, i.e., Peters' reporting.

    6) The three students only focused on technicalities such as what the community in Detroit could improve on. >>> according to whom?

    7) Research studies showed that understanding the culture of the community is so important as it affects them in so many ways. >>> (unclear referent: who is "them"?)
    7a) studies? where is your citation?

    8) It is stated that culture is a strong part of people's lives. >>> stated by whom? citation info?

    9) It influences their views, their appraisal, their amusement, their hopes, their loyalties, and their feelings. (Axner, 2016). >>> appraisal? Azmer's word?
    9a) and their feelings. (Axner, 2016). >>> (punctuation)

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  3. Part Two: Comments

    10) It is also mentioned that very slight forces, sometimes individuals, can destroy very big ideas and projects (Cohn, 2015). >>> meaning? explain in the context of the Peters' article.

    11) As such, it is very important for the students to focus on the emotional aspects of their project, "Motown Movement" in order for it to be a success in Detroit even before they start thinking about making it universal. >>> This is a good point, but it doesn't connect to your thesis. Perhaps Peters did not mention the manner by which the three students connected with the community in Detroit.

    12) Furthermore, the article only focused ... where a "greywater system" and "septic tank" were to be installed. >>> Is this topic sentence connected to your thesis?

    13) Peters, 2016 was making assumptions such as, ""We thought we should create a sustainable example."" >>> (incorrect citation convention)

    14) the residence >>> the residents

    15) The students should have gone around the city of Detroit and surveyed the residence to get a clear idea of what they desired. >>> In this statement, you are clearly critiquiing the project, but your thesis is focused on the weakness of Peters' reporting.

    16) A similar article by Olin College stated that they... >>> Who is "they"?

    17) We can clearly see that by understanding the needs of others through effective communication, projects can be very well received, which the article failed to address. >>> Again, you reference the Peters article, but earlier you were critiquing the nature of the Motown project.

    18) As such, the article should have discussed the views of the Detroit community and what their real needs are instead of their own assumptions. >>> whose assumptions?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Brad,

      Thank You for taking the time to go through my summary and reader response as well as providing me with a detailed and constructive feedback. I will definitely improve from your feedback. Really appreciate your efforts in helping us improve. Cheers!

      Regards,
      Frankie

      Delete